Reach (For the Pen)

After the Sky leaders' debate on 2nd April, BBC Free Speech released this photo of the seven party leaders mocked up as the members of S Club 7, with the Prime Minister, David Cameron, doing a particularly gruesome turn as a busty teenage girl. 

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One good turn deserves another, so here is DebateS Club 7, with their debut single, ‘Reach (For the Pen)’, which I penned as soon as I saw the photo but have just got round to uploading:

(Nicola)

When England
Turns a Tory blue,
Just vote SNP.
I’ll wind them all up for you.

(Ed)

When it seems
That your hard-earned money
Is tied up in equity,
It’s a mansion tax for you.

(Nick and Dave)

We've spent five years stuck together –
Never been there for each other.

(Dave)

Never ever forget that
Nick hates me,
But everyone else hates him,
So…

(Leanne)

Cyrraedd ar gyfer y pen!
Peidiwch â phleidleisio dros celwyddog eraill hynny.
Cyrraedd ar gyfer y pen!
Mae hwn yn gôr ofnadwy.
Cyrraedd ar gyfer y pen!
Bydd yna enfys Shining wneud o sbin
Allan asesu y lleill 'os ydynt yn mynd i mewn!

(Nick)

There's a place
Called the polling booth.
It’s the only place
Where I can’t apologise to you.

(Natalie)

Don’t fly away –
Too much CO2!
Don’t drive to work either.
Leave civilisation behind you.
Can’t stop taxing whatever’s moving!
Cheap houses, gotta keep building!
Never ever forget that
I've got a very bad cold today,
And that must explain why I don't understand basic economics.

(Leanne)

Cyrraedd ar gyfer y pen!
Peidiwch â phleidleisio dros celwyddog eraill hynny.
Cyrraedd ar gyfer y pen!
Mae hwn yn gôr ofnadwy.
Cyrraedd ar gyfer y pen!
Bydd yna enfys Shining wneud o sbin
Allan asesu y lleill 'os ydynt yn mynd i mewn!

(Nigel)

Don't believe the politics of old.
Calais’s the limit –
Won’t get past it on your own!
No one knows just what the EU holds.
Unless you’ve got HIV,
There's a whole world at your feet.
I said “Cyrraedd!”

(Dave)

Show them your ballot card.
Cyrraedd!
Reach for the pen.
Cyrraedd!
Read the manifesto.
And no more bedrooms for you!

(All)

Reach for the pen!
Don’t vote for those other liars.
Reach for the pen!
This is an awful choir.
Reach for the pen!
There’ll be a rainbow shining made of spin
Out the others' arses if they get in!

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By The Imperial Orange