Today, I had my rescheduled appointment at the Ministry of Manpower (MoM), in the old colonial heart of the city, for the assessment of my Temporary Employment Pass (TEP) application...
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There are many throwbacks to colonial days here. Although British rule of Singapore ended in 1963 (and the country this year celebrates the 50th anniversary of its independence from Malaysia, which explains all the "SG50" signs up everywhere), many of the social, legal, political and architectural traditions hark back to the era. Most obviously, English is one of the official languages (the others are Mandarin Chinese, Malay and Tamil), and all business in government, the courts, the roads and the universities is conducted in English. In public schools, pupils are taught English as the first language and one other of the remaining three official languages (according to the language of their fathers). They drive on the left-hand side of the road in right-hand-drive cars (left-hand-drives are illegal). Most measurements are given in both imperial and metric units. As you go into the centre of the city, you find that the wide, palm tree-lined avenues of green are flecked with the distinctive whitewashed verandas and magnificent archways normally associated with the Raj. All of this Britishness is very nice, but, when you're a new arrival to the country and attempting to make your way for the first time, no British pastime is quite as obvious in this country as the passion for pen-pushing, pursued with such a national zeal as to make the bureaucrats seem like the Cybermen.
Attempting to open a bank account is a peculiar example of this. Aside from the fact that they close at half past four, and that when you go into a branch to try to open an account, they treat you like you've shown up with a balaclava and a sawn-off shotgun, there appears to be no uniformity in the way the different banks operate. (Incidentally, if you did show up like that, the staff's first reaction might be to offer you a glass of water, because you would be in no fit state to rob them dressed like that and carrying around such a weight in this heat!)
I tried DBS Bank yesterday, and they accepted my approval letter in place of the actual TEP. But they have only one account available to foreigners, which requires you to maintain an average daily balance of $3000 over a calendar month under penalty of penalties! This was unattainable for me. Next, I tried POSB Bank, a subsidiary of DBS, who - for reasons unexplained - did not accept my approval letter at all, insisting that they needed the actual TEP. Lastly, today, I tried OCBC Bank, who were happy to accept the approval letter but would not accept my tenancy agreement as proof of address, even though the others did, instead asking for a certificate of stamp duty from the Inland Revenue Authority. Almost all require a minimum deposit of at least $500 and subsequently bar you from falling below a minimum balance, which is normally in excess of $1000. It seems bizarre that you must keep $1000 sitting in your account, unable to spend it, but them's the rules.
OCBC will be one to avoid. The catch-22 is that I cannot pay the stamp duty until opening a bank account, otherwise I will incur international transfer charges from the UK, but at OCBC I cannot open an account until I have paid the stamp duty!
Despite the similarity in some traditions, Singapore is not the UK, and in certain ways you can easily tell. In Southeast Asian culture, the convention is for people to put their surnames first, followed by their forenames. Official business is conducted this way. Wishing to conform to this tradition, I have been signing off as Khan Hamid in my correspondence with IMRE. However, it would appear that some Singaporeans consider such cultural reverence to be beyond the wit of most Western philistines (and what does that say about us?), so many locals will readily assume that you haven't bothered to switch your names around. Consequently, I have observed, even if you do switch your names, half the time you will be still be addressed as "Mr Hamid". There is a way to get around this. For the sake of clarity, most locals will - in external communications, at least - capitalise their surnames. In all e-mails from my supervisor, he signs off as Dr TENG Jing Hua, which may make it appear as though he is angry and shouting, when in fact he is simply employing a common device to avoid confusion. I might have to do the same.
Well, Mr Hamid's TEP application was approved today at the MoM! However, my card will not be arriving at IMRE until Wednesday (a day's delay, all for another useless H&S lecture), which probably means another week until I can open a bank account. And who knows which way around they will put my name? In the meantime, I have $58 left (but that's okay because I saw a food stall at Paya Lebar MRT station selling some courses for $2.20, and that was where I ate this evening).
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By
The Imperial Orange,
8th October 2015
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